A Long Time Coming

It’s been over three months I believe since I last wrote here. It’s been an underwhelming last three months to be honest. Moving from one place to another, I am finally living relatively on my own. A girlfriend now turned friend living with me, provides added complications into my life. While it doesn’t distract me nor confuse me, it does encourage difficulties within our relationship. Emphasizing as I had forewarned before making the move that I would be distant,  unsympathetic and unempathetic towards her problems. Doesn’t that sound like a good boyfriend? I’ve just never felt engaged by interactions with other people. They’re tiresome and monotonous without objectives or a sense of completion. To me, the only reason I’d ever be sociable is to either strengthen my political or social status or to gather information. Usually it’s the latter. Now people may say that I do have friends and interact with people, and that is true. There are some that I may deem worthy of my attention, but for the most part, most people on this Earth are irrelevant and have no place in my life.

I suppose I could say this is no time to drink alone, but that’s what it’s come down to as I sit alone at my computer desk. Once again, drinking scotch whisky and writing more for the whole world to see and become enamored by. Heh, become, such a poor word. I’m in the mood to be creative and clever. I want to use my words with purpose and maybe create something interesting and entertaining. I’ve been watching videos about old Halo games and have realized I desire to create a story in the fashion of Halo ODST. While it’s unlikely I’ll finish such a story, I want to create a compelling villain. Someone dark, someone clever, and someone relatable. Someone that the reader can feel empathy for yet, also feel conflicted about that empathy. Surly giving empathy to the main antagonist would be wrong woudn’t it? Who knows, only we will if we read whatever I come up with and hopefully post in the future. Maybe I’ll continue my idea of Charlie in the space station. I know now what was missing, a physical conflict I could latch onto. The remnants of the war don’t breed good story, people want action and conflict.

Epitaph on an army of mercenaries

These’s, in the day when heaven was falling,

The hour when Earth’s foundation fled,

Followed their mercenary calling,

And took their wages, and are dead.

Their shoulders held the sky suspended;

They stood, and Earth’s foundations stay;

What God abandoned, these defended,

And saved the sum of things for pay.

-A. E. Housman

Lone Wolves Die Alone.

Onboard a half filled CH-49 Mohawk,  I sit alone at the very end of the helicopter, right next to the ramp. My buddy Lolgasm is sick and out for this operation. So I’m on my own for this mission. We’re too understaffed to get me a partner, but I suppose it’s not the worst thing to happen. It’s better than having to take care of some rookie, and getting my ass killed tryin’ to save him. I look toward the pilot, and I notice the rest of the seats are mostly vacant, there’s about one person for every three seats in this 16 seater helicopter. Like I said, we’re understaffed. The ramp opens and I ready my parachute and line up to eject out of the Mohawk.

Green light.

The first one jumps, then second. I’m up. I hesitate a little to find the right landing site. “Got one.”

I jump.

“No one’s shooting at me yet” I think to myself as I rush towards a small walled garden next to a meager stone hut. I start taking shots about 30 meters from the ground to the East and West of me. I land, and immediately run inside the hut. I hear guys from behind one of the windows. Then I see two of them. It’s a squad and it looks like they’re going to try to enter. I put away my AK-12 and take out a satchel charge. I set the timer for 40 seconds just in case I don’t get away. He’s at the door, I sprint away into the second half of the building and close the door behind me. I hear the door open, and pull out the detonator.

*Click*

The first thing I feel is pain.  Pain in my ears. Rubble from the building is falling on top of me, the entire roof is gone and so are most of the walls. Only the middle supports and a couple of edges are left standing. I’m surprised I still have all my limbs. I look around the corner where the door used to be and see the remains of two backpacks and blood. I look around the other side to the right and see one guy on the floor unconscious and bleeding out. I take a deep breath and try to relax. I wait for about ten seconds then drop the detonator and pull out my primary.

I assess my situation, I look to the right and see the wall protecting the garden more houses to my left and, an AAF infantry man? He’s coming right at me. I wait patiently. I hear the zipper of a first aid kit and stand up then shoot the guy in the back. He was trying to revive his downed buddy. Sorry mate, not today.

I move into the next section of the building where the satchel exploded. Hunker down to the North East section of the hut and peek over, There’s a road heading north to a good vantage point on any infantry coming in, and a small skirmish to the West. I decide not to get involved and head north. I enter a medium sized building, two rooms on the bottom and two on top, stairs in the middle. I clear out each room and close all of the doors, then peek out to the north.

I wait. Patiently and stubbornly looking out the window for any sign of movement. Then finally, I see three guys getting out of a Little Bird. They get out and hide in a destroyed building 100 meters from me. I load my 40mm GP-25 and fire out the window.

1, 2, 3, *boom*

Lands right in the middle of the road 50 meters away from them. I fire again for 150.

1, 2, 3, 4, *Poof*

“Fuck. I’m still 20 meters short.”

I sight in for 200 this time and fire away. I don’t bother counting this time. I hear the explosion and look out to see someone flying across the road. I fire another one and don’t seem to hit anything.

*SNAP!* *SNAP!*

“Well this is bad.”

I peek carefully peek. Out the window. Just…just a little look. Just to see. Who’s shooting at me? * *Snap! Snap!* *Whizz!*

“OK shit, alright, I gotta get out of here.”

I lay down on the floor and roll over to the other side, then crawl towards the stairs. I keep hearing shots. He’s trying to get a pot shot at me through the wall. I book it down the stairs and hide next to the front door. I see a small church to the south, seems to be under construction or repair. I head for it.

I pass through three yards and some downed walls to get there, I don’t see anyone though. The church is facing the West and as I get closer I hear gunfire from the church. I lean up against the wall. Remembering the layout of the church, it’s small and has two windows on each side. One open arch doorway in the front and two pillars holding it up. I switch my gun to semi auto to maintain accuracy, I don’t want to waste all my ammo either if there’s more than one. I hear movement. I walk around the corner and fire two rounds into this guy’s back. Blufor. Apart of NATO, I can see his patches. He falls to the ground screaming for help. I put another one in him.

“I’m sorry man.”

He’s got a buddy. I run to the right side of the church, peek the corner and fire on his buddy running full sprint towards the other side of the church. He didn’t have time to realize what had happened. I pace myself and walk around the church towards his body.

“He’s unconscious. Good.”

“Hey he’s got a RPG-32.” I think about it for a sec. “Nah, too heavy.”

There’s a small niche in the church at the back and I sit tight for a minute trying to relax. Taking deep breaths. In the nose. Out the mouth. I start looking around for anyone. There’s a house to my left, door wide open. Another two story building on the right past the road…

“Hey help me! I’m hit!” I to my right.

I look over my shoulder and see a member of another squad down and bleeding out. He must have been paradropped and shot on his way down. I threw two smokes but the wind was heading towards me and didn’t cover his body, I risked it anyway. I ran up, put down my rifle and got a tourniquet from my FAK to treat the bleeding.

*Pop Pop*

I’m taking fire from the West, I see the guy down the road, more Blufor. I grab my rifle and run. There’s no reason to risk two of us.

“Hey help me! Where are you going!” “Just, just help me get the tourniquet on!”

“I’m sorry man, you’re on your own.”

I felt so selfish after saying that. In a way, I knowingly killed one of my team mates, an ally. But there’s no time to think about it now, I’ve got to get that guy.

“Okay” I say as I look around the corner and load another grenade. “He’s hiding behind another downed building. He’s probably waiting for me to go help that guy. I think, I see him. I think he’s about 150 meters away.” I fire. I miss, again. “Okay, a little further.” I fire again, a little higher this time. It lands behind the wall he’s hiding behind. I don’t know if I got him. I reload another one.

I look back and a HMG Humvee rolls up and two people get out, one runs towards the wall the other around the right side of the Humvee.

“RPG!”

I run up to that guys body and grab his RPG, I aim for about 200 meters and fire. I watch the whole thing. I’m watching this rocket fly, it arcs up just a little bit before landing right in the door of the vehicle and detonates bursting into flame.

“Yes!” I yell and decide it’s probably better if I left the area.

I head towards the house with the open door. It’s a small house, a side room for a bed, and two corridors. One main corridor connecting the rooms, then the mudroom for the back door. I enter from the front and clear out the bedroom to the left, I close the doors behind me and move to the next room.

“Clear.”

I open the next door leading to the backyard and peek out. It leads straight to a road, one building left and many more down the block to the right. I can’t see anyone so I walked down the first step. As soon as I took that step, someone kicked in the chest. Then he did it again. I couldn’t hold my breath. I fell on the ground and dropped my gun.

“Oh. Well, shit.” I think to myself. “That’s it isn’t it. Heh.”

I was alone.

 

The Difference Between Panic and Alert

The difference is subtle, but displays in very different ways. While panicked, I feel fast, confused, indecisive. I feel scared and uncertain. Where am I getting shot from? Where do I go? What should my men do? All of these questions arise at once and can be overwhelming. It feels like an immense pressure in your mind. So many things happening. Which move is the correct one?

With Alert, I feel concern, speed and decisiveness. I must act quickly, doing what I believe is the best at that instant. Without breaking or wavering I do what I must to stay alive. “Woah!”, Discovered, Move, Find Cover, Observe. The first three steps happen instantly, within one full second. “Woah!” the moment of surprise I must suppress. Discovered, they know where I am. Move, which way is the best way, (Know this before hand.) Then move. Find cover, Am I safe? Am I still taking fire? No?

Then observe. Where is the enemy? Wait.

Be patient, focus. Stay calm.

You’ll find em’.

 

 

(Thanks Arma)

The Battle for Lopez

“Dammit Vbud don’t start the engine! Wait for everyone to get in.” Jesus, the waiting is killing me I thought as the engine puttered and choked back to sleep. Sitting inside the hot and cramped M113 armored personnel carrier I was patiently waiting for everyone to get ready. To my 2 o’clock a tall warehouse rests no more than 500 meters away. Nearby are small adobe huts and a few other scattered buildings. In the middle of it all is a derelict gas station. Over my shoulder I see Kilo and Tangible get out onto an open field. They walk to the left in front of my M113.
“Alright ground team you all ready?”
“Ready!”
“Yup!”
“What about you Billy?”
Billy close to the palm tree forest yells out,
“Yeah I’m here.”
“Ok let’s get moving.”
Maj. Kilo is leading the ground team while Ice and I are on standby with the M113s. The ground team consists of Kilo, Tangible, and Zer∅, with support from Billy and Jack. The ground team walked on an exposed dirt pathway to the warehouse. Kilo taking the lead, they inserted through the front garage and started clearing the building. I heard shots fired behind me and turned around to see the support squad under fire. I watched as Billy rolled on the ground to dodge bullets. With each round nearly missing I could see small plumes of dirt flying through the air. I looked toward the enemy base seeing tracers fly out window. Returning my eyes to the support squad I see Billy’s dead body lay on the ground. Bleeding, his head lay in the dirt blood seeping through his thick camouflage. Jack quickly sprints into Ice’s APC and closes the hatch. This is no time to mourn our lost brother, we have to find the shooter. Silence.

Silence. The only sounds I hear are the chirping of the birds in the nearby jungle. I’m just sitting here looking. Looking to find the killer. I shout out,
“Hey I think I see something on the top of that hill. Its at my 11 o’clock.”
Ice replies, “I can’t see that way its behind me.”
Jack says, “I can, I’m lookin’.”
One minute passes, two minutes, three.
“Hey I see someone, yeah I see someone he’s running down the hill!”. Jack shouts!
“I don’t see anyone. Where is he?”
“He’s right there! On the left side!”
“I see him I’m going after him!”
“Wait Vbud.”
“Come on he’s right there!”
I feel like a dog on a leash seeing a cat for the first time. I rev the engine and get ready to plow straight through him!
“Vbud go get him!” Kilo says, relieving me of my building excitement I charge at him full speed, while listening to the chirps and chimes of 7.7 rifle rounds deflecting off the M113s frontal armor. I fly across the grassy field, careful not to hit the sparse but clustered palm trees. The enemy runs away as he realizes his mistake. He dodges to my right side. I slow and turn my vehicle around a large tree. I catch him getting back up from his futile attempt to evade revenge. Calmly, I throttle up and watch his body slowly disappear out of view.
“Thud”
“I got him!”

“Alright nice.”
Now, I don’t remember what happened in between Ice and I rushing towards the enemy base, but I do remember Ice shouting,
“What the fuck! I’m hit!”
“Ice come on get out of there!” I say rushing towards him.
I drive up to about five meters from his M113. I hear a “Fwoomph” then an explosion. I watch as Ice’s M113 bursts into flames. The fire burning the paint and its victim inside. It must have hit a fuel line I think to myself as I call out again, “Ice get out!” Then I realize if they can destroy an M113 they can destroy me too. Once again my focus must change from mourning the loss of one of my best friends to not becoming one of those losses as well. I quickly turn right and make my way out of there. To save my ass and an expensive piece of equipment. They must have run out of 203 grenades because they started firing rifles at me. I was still a little worried but felt better knowing I was safe inside the thick armor of the M113. Drip, drip, drip. Red liquid runs down my face like wine. Dark red blood flowing from my head has covered the dashboard. Cleaning off the blood I realize the throttle is maxed out and that I’m slowly spinning in circles. The left track must have gone out. Facing the warehouse I quickly reverse and spin myself towards a road leading west away from the warehouse. Fighting the drag of the left track I pull the wheel to turn the M113 left and right to wiggle just a few inches of distance between me and the warehouse.

For 15 grueling minutes I slowly crawl the M113 towards a small row of houses. Bleeding out, I feel my hands and my feet getting colder. I watch as the color of the grass becomes more pale. The vibrant and vivid greens and blues slowly fade on to cold colorless grays. Like an overcast sky on what would have been a sunny day. As I feel my body slow down, I also slow down the M113 and park it next to the only semi-standing building within the area. Half of the living room has caved in on itself and I can see through to the kitchen. I attempt to park the M113 by the house, but I end up just hitting the tracks against some rubble. After a few minutes of waiting, most of my wounds have clotted up and I bandage up the rest that haven’t. I briefly mourn the loss of my good friends Ice and Billy, and then grab my radio and call to Kilo, “Vbud here, ready for extraction.”